With the release of the new Spiderman film and with the upcoming release of Batman The dark Knight Rises on the 20th of July (UK) I got to think as to which superhero would be ideal for helping me re-decorate a bathroom.
I feel I have to let you all know now before you carry on reading that I am a bit of a geek. That’s right, I am happy to say that I am a grown man who enjoys nothing more then delving into a world of super hero’s and super villains, reading comics and watching cartoons and more recently superhero films (to which the number is increasing dramatically).
I was that much of a fan of super hero’s when I was younger that I put on my Batman suit and thought I could fly. It turns out that just cos you have a cape doesn’t mean you can fly. So I learnt the hard way when as a 5 year old boy I jumped out of the upstairs bedroom window and needless to say I didn’t fly but more in quoting Toy Story “Fell with style” and landed head first into the ground. After realising I did not have super flying powers I also found out I wasn’t unbreakable and so ended up cracking my skull and knocking myself unconscious. I wish in some senses I was making this up but unfortunately not, but its ok I survived and although when I’m in tall buildings I do get the urge to jump off, I now know I’m not a super hero. So now that you know what you are letting yourself in for its time for me to go into uber-geek mode.
With regard to the initial thought of which super hero would I want to re-decorate my bathroom I immediately just started thinking about who are my favourite super hero’s. I feel again I should make another statement and say that I’m neither a DC nor a Marvel man I like both so I’m including hero’s from both of the two main comic companies. Anyway back to the question, my favourite hero’s are Batman (for obvious reasons i.e. physical scars in trying to replicate him), Spiderman (for his great wit and cool costume), Wolverine (for his bad-ass attitude and also his amazing healing powers) and a more obscure character Swamp Thing (because he’s big green and pretty much can’t be stopped unless he’s up rooted and put in a desert).
So I had my super hero’s and I was happy with my choices but then I started to think about it more and that’s where the problems started. Let me explain each super hero and why they were actually a bad choice for getting them to re-decorate my bathroom.
The reason why Batman although he is my favourite super hero is simply the wrong choice to re-design my bathroom is that it would be like a cave. Don’t get me wrong I like caves but I don’t want my bathroom to look like a cave. Think about it, hanging above the toilet will be a bunch of bats (potentially doing their business everywhere). The walls would be all slimy and wet, it would be very cold and damp all the time and not to mention extremely dark. Although to Batman it would be home for me I like a warm pleasantly lighted bathroom.
Spiderman is a cool dude there is no denying that, but the reason why I couldn’t have Spiderman re-decorate my bathroom is that there will be spiders and webs everywhere. My bathroom would look like one of the scenes from Indian Jones just spider’s webs everywhere and although I’m not scared of spiders I don’t really want to sit on the toilet and then as I start to get up realise I’m stuck to the seat. So that’s Spiderman ruled out.
The reason why Wolverine is not a good choice to help me re-decorate is that there would be claw marks on everything. Also he does have a bit of a temper and is not reliable so would probably get in a huff about something and storm off leaving the bathroom unfinished. Sorry Wolverine you were made to fight and save people not to re-decorate bathrooms.
Down to my last super hero surely Swamp Thing is good at re-decorating, unfortunately no. I mean think about it he lives in a swamp and so will end up making your bathroom into a swap as well. There would be flies everywhere and no amount of air freshener would be able to cope with the funk it would seep out daily. So Swap Thing would also not be a suitable candidate to re-decorate my bathroom.
So I leave you all with this puzzle which super hero would you pick to re-decorate your bathroom, because they are all amazing at saving the planet and just generally being super. But can any of them help you re-decorate a bathroom?
As usual please leave any comments as I’d love to hear if anyone can come up with a super hero to help them. All the best and thanks for reading. Below is a few more super heroes’ that would not be any help.
Hulk – The bathroom just wouldn’t get finished because he would get angry and destroy it when he stands on a screw or something.
The Flash – would do the bathroom to quickly he would make a bodge job of it screws missing etc
Aqua man – the bathroom would be underwater.
Captain America – he would only want to use the colours red, white and blue to paint with.
Superman – His cloak would get in the paint and get everywhere plus he’d have to dart off and save the world every few hours so simply just not reliable.