How To Survive A Zombie Apocolypse In A Bathroom Part 1


Last week I had the pleasure of having an evening to myself and so decided to watch 28 Days Later. Don’t get mixed up with 28 Days with the lovely happy go lucky Miss Congeniality star Sandra Bullock. I’m talking about the Danny Boyle zombie apocalypse extravaganza. Now if you haven’t seen this film then I can’t suggest highly enough that you rent, download, borrow or buy a copy and have a watch. Granted it is a zombie film and so there is lots of blood and gore which may not be to everyone’s liking but it’s also a story of survival and relationships.

After watching the film I thought I’d do a quick bit of research into how to survive a zombie apocalypse (if it ever were to happen) and I found loads and loads of brilliant information. But then when I looked at how to survive a zombie apocalypse in a bathroom I realised there wasn’t very much information at all. So here is my information on surviving a zombie apocalypse in a bathroom. Enjoy.

First let me set the scene for your survival so you’ve got abit of background knowledge to your survival battle. The scenario is that your next door neighbour has burst through your back door and is looking for anything that moves to start gorging on. That’s right your next door neighbour is a zombie, but its ok you are not too upset because you didn’t really like him because he always played music really late and smelt of cabbage. You have time to grab a bag of Haribo and a cheese and ham sandwich which your flatmate left on the table as you swiftly run up the stairs. As you reach the top of the stairs your flatmate’s girlfriend is coming out of his room and is also a zombie. You assume that your flatmate is dead which is sad so you are now burning with a concoction of vengeance, fear and adrenaline. You see that the only door open and available to move into for safety leads to the bathroom. So with out a thought you jump into the bathroom and lock the door.

So the scenario is set in motion you have two zombies outside and your locked in the bathroom with no where to go. The lock on the bathroom door won’t last long so how do you survive? Well I’ve split survival into a few headings to make it easier to remember.

Zombie

1. Find a weapon

First of all you need to find yourself a weapon. I can not stress this enough a weapon is absolutely key to survival. In this scenario the zombies are trying to break in, they know you are in there and so you need to be able to attack them. Defence is not an option with zombies as they will keep coming again and again until you kill them. Remember its either you or them.

Weapons

Toilet Cistern Lid / Top

This heavy blunt toilet panel is ideal for bonking the zombies on the head and destroying the brain. This should be your first weapon of choice in a bathroom and should remain within arms reach of where ever you move.

Con – The cistern lid / top is heavy and will use a lot of effort up.

Shower Curtain

Although a shower curtain is not exactly a formidable weapon it can be extremely handy. Use the shower curtain to cover a zombies head and face, this confuses the zombie and provides a barrier between the zombie’s mouth and you. You can use the shower curtain to drag the zombie to the ground where stamping and kicking will be most efficient.

Con – Effective for one zombie at a time.

Bathroom Mirror

Hopefully you have a bathroom mirror that is easily removed from the wall. Once removed a mirror can be smashed over a zombies head or broken in to shards to be jabbed in the brain both are effective methods of mirror use.

Con – 7 years bad luck.

Bathroom Towel

A bathroom towel is a simple but useful weapon and one that should not be over looked. Tear the towel into two equal pieces and wrap around hands. You now have a pair of quick home made boxing gloves. Now pretend your Muhammad Ali and swing like a mad man aiming for the head of the zombie. The towel acts as a barrier in case you accidentally punch the zombie in the mouth and get the virus causing you to turn zombiefied.

Con – Good boxing technique needed for efficient zombie death.=

Hair Spray / Deodorant

This is a last gasp weapon and can only be used in desperate situations where no other option is available. Use the hair spray or deodorant as a mini flame throw hold the can up to the zombies face and use a match or lighter just in front of the spray nozzle and hold down the spray button. This is not really a weapon as zombies don’t feel pain but will distract the zombie enough for you to escape and will eventually kill the zombie if it remains on fire.

Con – Matches or lighter needed to work plus strong possibility of burning yourself and causing major injury also potential for making the situation worse.

2. Stop more zombies getting in

So you’ve grabbed a weapon and zonked, whacked, bonked and bashed both your neighbour’s and your flatmate’s girlfriend head in. Success you have survived the first wave of zombie attacks. You have a quick glance down the stairs and you can see a shadow but the zombie hasn’t been alerted to your presence. You realise you can’t get out of the bathroom quickly and quietly so you make the decision to stay for a short while. In addition the bath tub has become lose in the first zombie attack.

Bath Tub Method

Use the bathtub to block the damaged bathroom door making sure it is wedged in tight so no zombies can crawl through any gaps to bite your legs or arms.

Con – potentially quite a noisy manoeuvre so could draw a zombie’s attention.

Turtle Method

This method is somewhat unique and can work extremely well although can also be a tomb for your rotting corpse. The turtle technique is simple, turn the bath upside down and position yourself underneath it. Whilst you are underneath the bath you are well hidden from zombies giving you time to sort out your next move.

Con – If you a prone to sneezing or farting this method is not good for you as any sound will attract zombies plus the smell could be unbearable depending on what you’ve eaten.

Slide and Slip Method

Pretty much all bathrooms will have either bleach or some kind of cleaning product in it, usually located around the back of the toilet or in a cupboard. Simply pour the cleaning product just outside the door and then keep yourself hidden. Any approaching zombies will slip on the liquid and fall over.

Con – Only really works on hard surfaces.

Ok so you’ve killed your first two zombies and you’re well hidden or barricaded in your bathroom. So far so good you’re doing well.

I’ve got another 3 more essential survival techniques and methods to tell you about so come back and visit on Wednesday to complete your training to be fully equipped to take on any potential zombie apocalypse that may or may not happen.

As always please leave any comments in case i have missed any additional weapons or anything.

Fridays Fun Bathroom Phobia Poll


The weather here in the UK is beyond horrible with a month’s amount of rain expected to fall in 48 hours or less. So to help cheer us all up from this pathetic excuse of a summer (in the UK atleast) we have the Friday fun poll. Yaaaay whooooo.

Earlier on this week we went on a terrifiying journey to discover people’s darkest fears about bathrooms. The places we visited and passed through were not pleasant but atleast we all made it out and there was a good positive message at the end. If you haven’t had an opportunity to read the article then please visit it here for a quick read.

So with bathroom phobia’s the topic for the poll I have as usual put a couple of suggestions down for you to choose from, but by all means add any other suggestions in the comments section.

Hope you have fun with this poll and look forward to seeing the results.

Let’s all celebrate the humble toilet.


Well here I am debating with myself about what to talk about today on this overcast dreary Monday in Salford, Manchester. I was hoping it was going to be sunny and had already had in mind to write an inspiring article on the wonderful cooling nature of a cold shower. But seeing as it’s a miserable day I was’nt feeling that inspired about writing about showers so I had to think of something else. To try and find inspiration I was flicking through our brochure and came across our toilet section. I know what your thinking, why would I stop on this section and give it any real thought, I mean it’s just a toilet what’s interesting about that. So I decided to do a little bit of research on where the toilet came from and why we should see the toilet as an invention so amazing it should be celebrated as much as the invention of the light bulb. So on to a few short paragraphs all about the humble toilet.

The toilet is simply put, amazing. That’s right people I am in awe of the humble toilet. Let me explain so you don’t view me as some strange bloke who has a toilet fetish because that’s defiantly not the case. But I want you to imagine what it would be like if the toilet didn’t exist, go on close your eyes and just imagine. Now I know that everyone’s imagination is different but I’m guessing you all pulled abit of a face at imagining a world with no toilet. Well that world was actually not that long ago, the modern flushing toilet we all instantly recognised was only invented in 1596 but only became popular and manufactured in the late 1800’s.

Image

Without the invention of the toilet we would be rife with disease and personal health issues not even mentioning the smell. This is why the invention of the toilet is such a historic invention and should not be overlooked. The name mainly associated with the invention of the toilet is Thomas Crapper. Thomas was not the first person to invent a flushing toilet but it was Thomas who re-finned the toilet to what we know a toilet is now. Thomas also owns the patent for the toilet and so was a key player in the rise of the toilet. It should also be mentioned that Thomas Crappers surname Crapper has become a slang name for the toilet.

A toilet’s main function is to get rid of the waste us humans produce from eating and living. It’s as much a necessary bodily function as breathing (not going to the toilet won’t have an immediate impact like stopping breathing would, but you get what I mean) our body’s produce waste and it needs expelling from us, otherwise we can get extremely ill and even die. So waste is always going to be produced and so having a toilet to take the waste away to a sewage plant is essential.

Well I know this is only a very short blog on the wonder that is the toilet, but I did only just want to highlight the importance and let you all know we should be celebrating the toilet every now and again for the great work it does. If you need a new toilet then check out our range here. Or if you want more information on the toilet then I found this fantastic website with lots of toilet information (the website is to help get better toilets into schools but has some really useful information) check it out here. As always any comments are appreciated and thanks for reading.

So let us now raise our glasses in celebration of the toilet.

PS I’ll be back with another Toilet celebration blog on World Toilet Day 19 November.