The Wonder of Foreign Bathrooms


Apologies to all my adoring fans but I have been away for the last week and so have not been able to bring you amazing slices of intriguing yet quite useless bathroom ramblings. But never fear for I have now returned and I have some outstanding rambling’s for you to enjoy.

To start off let me picture the scene (although no doubt you have all been there). You’re away on holiday and you’re all excited and looking forward to a week of relaxing and exploring all the wonders a new country has to offer. You’ve got off the airplane and have just arrived at the hotel. You’ve managed to navigate through the first hurdle of checking in with a person who doesn’t speak a word of your native tongue and your pigeon version of their language has just about succeeded. As soon as you turn around to locate your room you suddenly need the toilet it’s a natural reaction all the stress is gone you’ve arrived and everything is sorted so your bowels decide now is the time to let you know that you need to go. I’m sure everyone has been in this situation at least once if not many times.

So your body is telling you that you need to go then the dread kicks in, you’re in a foreign country what if the toilet is just a hole in the ground. Thankfully for me there was a toilet and the bathroom was wonderful and everything was ding dang doodly fine. Hopefully all of your holiday bathrooms have been fine as well and you haven’t encountered any major problems.

Foreign Toilet

It got me thinking about bathrooms abroad and different cultural changes that can invariably take place. We may automatically think that all bathrooms look, smell and have the same functions as our own native bathrooms. This is where we invariably become unstuck in assuming that

1 Our bathrooms are the correct and only way in how a bathroom should be arranged.

2 That all countries have the same cultural bathroom agreements as us.

3 That all countries have the infrastructure and plumbing as us.

All these combined make us naïve when it comes to experiencing a foreign toilet.

So here are a few tips on enjoying a foreign bathroom and not being surprised or alarmed when you encounter something you weren’t expecting.

Foreign Toilet

Tip Number 1

Research, research, research.

It may seem quite blatantly obvious but research is the best way to find out if you’ll be expecting a hole in the ground and a bucket of water for a shower or expecting a fully functioning power shower and spa bath. Research will also tell you if you can flush toilet paper down the loo or if the country’s plumbing system doesn’t allow this. Research is key my friends.

Tip Number 2

Know the lingo

This again may seem obvious but it is 100% worth mentioning and should be adhered to the last thing you want is pee running down your leg while your shouting toilet at the top of your voice at a bar man or store keeper who shrug and think you want to buy a loaf of bread or a glass of milk. Know the word for toilet and have it on the tip of your tongue it could save you a world of embarrassment.

Tip Number 3

Don’t be scared

If you find out through your research that you are visiting a country that operates on a hole in the ground routine then don’t let it put you off. Remember all the natives use this system and have been for years. You can easily over come your fears and do your business the native way for a week or two.

Tip Number 4

Relax and just enjoy it remember your on holiday.

Well hope you enjoyed my quick tips on travelling round different countries and how to deal with what you maybe faced with bathroom wise. Good luck to you all fellow travellers.

 

Fridays Fun Poll Over or Under that is the question?


Friday’s fun poll continues on from my previous blog about the position of the TPDS (toliet paper delivery system). If you haven’t read the previous blog i’d suggest you go back and have a quick read to get more of an understanding of the issue involved.

If you are fully upto date with this connumbdrum of a debate then please let me know what your decision is on this matter.

I know some of you will have very strong opinions and if you’d like to leave a comment to help persude others that your way is the right way then please do.

For those of you that either don’t know what were talking about or simply think that this whole debate is irrelevant and pointless please vote as well.

Looking forward to the results, enjoy.

Bathroom Olympics


With all this Olympic hype swirling round Great Britain I have been caught up in the hype and am loving it immensely. I have been watching as many different sports as possible and been introduced to new sports and how they work.

So I thought to myself why has no one thought about creating the Bathroom Olympics? I mean the bathroom can be such a fun place that you could invite all your mates round and instead of playing the bog standard board games and usual shenanigans you could all play Bathroom Olympics.

The Olympics is such an amazing astounding event that it manages to bring people from all over the world together in harmony. It’s amazing how sport can play such a key component in bringing people together.

It was with this idea and thought process that I decided it was time to bring everyone close with the Bathroom Olympics. I know what you’re thinking here he goes again on another one of his hair brained crazy ideas, but this time I have struck gold. I truly believe that after you have read the amazing games below that you to will be a convert to the Bathroom Olympics.

I know one or two of these games are going to be hard to judge as personal space maybe infringed upon, but that infringement will no doubt bring people closer together so we can end up being all one big happy family.

To kick the Bathroom Olympic proceedings off there needs to be a Bathroom Olympic pledge just like the real Olympics. You can always amend this to suit your needs or keep it how it is.

 

The Bathroom Olympic Pledge:

In the name of all the competitors taking part in this illustrious and amazing competition I promise that we will respect and abide by all the laws governing this competition. We will have fun, laugh, smile and enjoy all aspects of this competition. We will mock the loser and be envious of the winner. But at the top of this all we will come together in brother and sister unity in a competition of complete and utter pointlessness.

Bathroom Olympics Events

Perfect Temperature

This is probably one of the hardest games in the Bathroom Olympics. The contestant has 10 minutes to run the perfect temperature bath, as no one likes a bath that is to hot or to cold. After the 10 minutes is up the temperature of the bath is measured by a thermometer and the closest to 38 degrees C is the winner. A contestant does not have to use all the allotted 10 minutes if they feel they have reached the achieved temperature. If there is a draw then the contestant who achieved the temperature the quickest is the winner.

Rubber Duck throwing

The contestant sits in the bath tub and has to throw a rubber duck from a minimal distance of one and a half metres into a bathroom basin. The contestant has 3 rubber ducks and scores a point for each rubber duck successfully thrown into the basin.

Soap Juggling

This is a really simple game but is great fun. The contestant has to juggle 3 Bars of soap for as long as possible. The soaps will be placed in a basin full of water before the event starts. The longest time recorded before dropping a soap is the winner.

Splash Back

This is more of the extreme sports and I apologise if anyone is offended but it’s just a bit of toilet humour. Hopefully everyone knows the term splash back but for those that don’t it is the splashing of water hitting the derrière when doing your business. The scoring would be based on surface area wetness.

Towel Drying

The contestant takes a 5 minute shower and has to dry themselves as quick as possible using a standardized medium towel. Marks will be taken off for red marks left after rubbing to hard against the body.

Tap Running

The contestant has to turn on all taps so they are full flowing and have reached the fastest flowing capacity where you can’t turn them any further. Once this is in place the contestant then needs to turn all taps off as quickly as possible until no drops remain.

Toothpaste Squirting

For this event you will need a tube of toothpaste but make sure it is the squeezy tube variety not the pump action toothpaste.

The contestant has to squeeze or push the toothpaste tube in a sharp quick action to see how far they can squirt the toothpaste. The furthest distance attained is the winner.

Bathroom Heptathlon

Takes in all the above events and the highest score after all events is crowned the winner.

 

Well hope you are blown away by the amazing set of games laid out for you all to compete in. So get your friends and family round and enjoy your own Bathroom Olympics.

As always any comments are welcome, maybe you can think of another bathroom game I haven’t thought of by all means let me know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

How To Survive A Zombie Apocolypse In A Bathroom Part 2


Hopefully you have read Part 1 in this series and are fully up to date with your bathroom survival so far. If you haven’t read Part 1 then go and read it otherwise when the apocalypse happens and you’re stuck in a bathroom you will be zombie chow.

A brief review of how the survival is going. So far you have managed to kill two zombies your neighbour and your flatmates girlfriend. You’ve also managed to keep yourself hidden by employing the turtle technique or have block up the door so no other zombies can get in. Your doing really well and this is where I’m gonna dive straight in with the next stage in our zombie apocalypse survival.

3. Re-fuel

Although this seems like a trivial step seeing as a zombie apocalypse is in full swing but trust me this step is crucial for survival. Let me explain, you are in a panic stricken state your mind is going round in circles trying to comprehend that a zombie apocalypse is happening and your stomach is aching. To calm yourself down and get your self focused you need to preoccupy your brain and stomach with something else. Remember the scenario and remember that you have with you a cheese and ham sandwich and a bag of Haribo. This is the distraction that you need. So munch hard at a steady pace but remember to not eat all the Haribo you will need some left for instant energy later on. You can wash it all down with a drink of water from the bathroom tap. The food will provide energy when making a break for freedom plus it maybe your last meal, you don’t want to be zombie fodder on an empty stomach.

Con – If you’re a vegetarian you may not want to eat the ham in the sandwich.

Haribo

4. RVLB Remembering Visualising Listening Business  

Right, so you’ve calmed down had potentially your last meal and are psyched to take on all zombies in your way. Your adrenaline is through the roof and you are ready to smash zombies up Incredible Hulk style. The only down fall is that your not the Incredible Hulk and therein lies the problem. But you have the unique advantage over zombies that you don’t have a sole craving for brains and can think logically and strategically.

I’ve split this stage of survival up into a handy acronym RVLB – Remembering, Visualising, Listening and Business. Below is how each component is crucial for survival and shows you how you should use your brain rather then lose your brain.

Remembering

The first word in the acronym is Remembering. Remember what I hear you ask? Well fortunately it’s not did you take the bin out for collection or did you remember to pay your credit card bill. These should be the last things entering your head. You have to remember your main aim is survival, and so you need to remember your surrounding area. Your aim is to try to remember playing as a kid in the street and all the little alleyways and roads around you, thinking of where you want to go to for your route to freedom.

Visualising

You could be mistaken for thinking that this is just another facet of remembering and thinking that I’m being over cautious about route planning, but trust me this is not a stage you want to miss out. Once you have remembered and thought of a route you need to literally visualise the route in your head making adjustments of which road and street to move down if you encounter a horde of zombies. Running around like a headless chicken will get you into sticky situations. So visualising as much of your route and compensating for route changes provides you with a higher survival rate. Remember use your brain, don’t lose it.

 Listening

I don’t say this lightly but your ears are literally your best tool for survival end of. If it were a case of I could have a super hearing device or a machine gun during a zombie apocalypse give me the hearing device every single time. Listening for zombie movement is essential for survival your eyes can deceive you into thinking that it’s safe. Just remember the green cross code Stop, Look and LISTEN.

Listening

Business

Lastly on the acronym we have Business. Now there’s no polite way to say this but when you gotta go, you gotta go, it’s as simple as that. Think about it for a moment, you’ve just experiencing fending off two zombies for the first time in your life I’m sure you will need to check yourself. Also you may not feel like you need to go, but you need to give it a try. The last thing you want is that your running as fast as you can and you feel the sudden urge for the toilet it’s not a good situation to be in. Just remember when doing your business you need to be quick and as much as possible quite. The last thing you want is a zombie attack while on the bog trust me you don’t want to die with your pants down. Added bonus is that you can be doing the Remembering, Visualising and Listening all while doing your Business.

Con – Fresh underwear is in your cupboard next door, commando may have to be an option.

Bonus – Going commando gives you a lovely free feeling if you’re into that kind of thing.

5. Supplies

The last section is to fully prepare you for your breakaway to freedom and survival beyond the next few hours. Although you are only in the bathroom, there is key supplies that you need to make sure you pick up.

Toilet Paper

Toilet paper is brilliant, it comes in handy in so many situations such as blowing your nose, cleaning, washing and obviously its main purpose, wiping your bum. So make sure to pack at least one toilet roll as you never know when you maybe in an isolated place needing to go to the loo with no toilet paper available. You can by all means skip this advice if you’re hardcore, and embark on the Bear Grylls / Ray Mears style and wipe your bum with a leaf. But everyone likes abit of luxury so why deprive yourself, take some toilet roll.

Toilet Paper

Toothpaste and Toothbrush

This one is almost self explanatory, no one likes bad breath plus do you have any idea how hard it will be to find a good dentist in a post apocalyptic zombie world. So take them both and make sure you brush everyday.

Razor or Perfume

The final piece of information I am going to give you before making a break for it is to pack either a razor or some perfume. Why? I hear you say. Let me explain, you’ve made a dash for freedom and have succeeded, you mange to bump into other survivors and have found a safe secure location. Everything is all going well. Now the task of re-populating mankind is at hand, the only problem is that no one is attracted to the opposite sex because the men all look like beardy weridy’s and the women smell like gone off milk. This means that no honka donk badonka donk will be going on and the re-population of the human race is in peril. A quick shave or splash of perfume combined with a Barry White or Al Green album can help get things back on track. So for the sake of the human race I implore you pick up a razor or perfume and let those that have died in the zombie apocalypse not of died in vain.

Survival or Zombie Dinner

So we have got to the knife edge of survival or zombie dinner. If you have followed all my instructions then you are now ready to make a break for it. Fully loaded with supplies and a specific route to freedom mapped out in your head. I wish you all the best in your survival. Now take one last listen, pick up your weapon of choice, remove the bathtub from the door or lift it up off of yourself and run like you have never run before. Good Luck

As always if you have any comments or other survival tips please do leave a comment I’d love to hear from you.

Gender and the Bathroom Debate Part 2 Female’s


On Monday I briefly delved into the long running debate of why do men take so long in the bathroom? I’m now going to shed some light on why women take so long in the bathroom? This is just so the debate is on an equal playing field ready for Friday’s Fun Poll of who takes the longest in the bathroom men or women.

I will again start off by stating that I am going to be very broad and so quite a few generalisations will be made. Everyone is unique and different and will have their own routines and rituals so please remember a lot of these points are going to be generalisations so please don’t get offended.

So now I’ve covered my back on with the debate.

The difference between men and women is quite significant both physically and psychologically there is no doubting that. Yes men and women can both enjoy sports, reading, films and lots of other common interests but there is lots of smaller points of interest that significantly differ from each gender.

Women in the toilet

These differences can be suggested as being ingrained by social interaction and pressures for example a baby boy is always dressed in blue and a baby girl is always dressed in pink. There’s nothing to say that the colours can be switched around and have a baby boy dressed in pink rather then blue. Hopefully you see where I’m getting at with this point even if I have said it in a confusing muddled way.

Basically I’m saying that society and peer pressure shapes us as people whether we like it or not or whether we admit to it or not. So your there reading this thinking what is this guy chatting about, what does this have to do with women spending more time in the bathroom. Well read on and my pearls of undeniable wisdom will be revealed.

Women spend a long time in the bathroom due to mainly getting themselves ready and comfortable for the day ahead or going out. Unlike men where they mainly use the extended bathroom time to do their business, read and generally relax and escape from the world for while. Women are getting themselves prepared and ready for the world by applying make-up, styling their hair and general self grooming and styling.

women doing make-up

This is the slight fundamental difference between men and women. That women use bathroom time to get ready, although I will point out that the trend is changing. Men are now becoming women and to be honest this annoys me. Men should be men. They are supposed to be a bit smelly and ruff around the edges it’s what defines our masculinity, but more and more men are becoming pooffy lady boys who can’t even hammer a nail into a wall. I apologise though I’m going off on a tangent into another social issue which really annoys me, and needs to be addressed significantly before we all end up becoming self obsessed Asexual beings with no gender differences.

Back to why women spend ages in the bathroom.

Taking this theory of women taking time to get ready in the bathroom this can also be applied when women are out in a social situation with other women. It’s the usual scenario and the mystery of why do women go to the toilet together? This is definitely a situation that men find bizarre and peculiar, but the answer is simple. Women go together to the bathroom to talk. They chat about what’s going on with their lives and if there on a double date they talk about the men. Basically women talk about anything and everything.

In thinking about all of this I came to a final conclusion, that women use the bathroom in the same way as men. Both genders use the bathroom to escape from life for a short while. Although the genders differ in the activities they do in the bathroom, for men it’s reading and doing their business. While for women it’s either talking (in groups) or getting ready (make-up, hair etc). But for both genders the bathroom time is a time to escape from life. I guess this is why when it comes to buying or selling a house the bathroom is such an essential room and can either make or break a sale.

As always thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed it and please leave any comments as I’d love to hear from you.

Fridays Fun Bathroom Phobia Poll


The weather here in the UK is beyond horrible with a month’s amount of rain expected to fall in 48 hours or less. So to help cheer us all up from this pathetic excuse of a summer (in the UK atleast) we have the Friday fun poll. Yaaaay whooooo.

Earlier on this week we went on a terrifiying journey to discover people’s darkest fears about bathrooms. The places we visited and passed through were not pleasant but atleast we all made it out and there was a good positive message at the end. If you haven’t had an opportunity to read the article then please visit it here for a quick read.

So with bathroom phobia’s the topic for the poll I have as usual put a couple of suggestions down for you to choose from, but by all means add any other suggestions in the comments section.

Hope you have fun with this poll and look forward to seeing the results.

Let’s all celebrate the humble toilet.


Well here I am debating with myself about what to talk about today on this overcast dreary Monday in Salford, Manchester. I was hoping it was going to be sunny and had already had in mind to write an inspiring article on the wonderful cooling nature of a cold shower. But seeing as it’s a miserable day I was’nt feeling that inspired about writing about showers so I had to think of something else. To try and find inspiration I was flicking through our brochure and came across our toilet section. I know what your thinking, why would I stop on this section and give it any real thought, I mean it’s just a toilet what’s interesting about that. So I decided to do a little bit of research on where the toilet came from and why we should see the toilet as an invention so amazing it should be celebrated as much as the invention of the light bulb. So on to a few short paragraphs all about the humble toilet.

The toilet is simply put, amazing. That’s right people I am in awe of the humble toilet. Let me explain so you don’t view me as some strange bloke who has a toilet fetish because that’s defiantly not the case. But I want you to imagine what it would be like if the toilet didn’t exist, go on close your eyes and just imagine. Now I know that everyone’s imagination is different but I’m guessing you all pulled abit of a face at imagining a world with no toilet. Well that world was actually not that long ago, the modern flushing toilet we all instantly recognised was only invented in 1596 but only became popular and manufactured in the late 1800’s.

Image

Without the invention of the toilet we would be rife with disease and personal health issues not even mentioning the smell. This is why the invention of the toilet is such a historic invention and should not be overlooked. The name mainly associated with the invention of the toilet is Thomas Crapper. Thomas was not the first person to invent a flushing toilet but it was Thomas who re-finned the toilet to what we know a toilet is now. Thomas also owns the patent for the toilet and so was a key player in the rise of the toilet. It should also be mentioned that Thomas Crappers surname Crapper has become a slang name for the toilet.

A toilet’s main function is to get rid of the waste us humans produce from eating and living. It’s as much a necessary bodily function as breathing (not going to the toilet won’t have an immediate impact like stopping breathing would, but you get what I mean) our body’s produce waste and it needs expelling from us, otherwise we can get extremely ill and even die. So waste is always going to be produced and so having a toilet to take the waste away to a sewage plant is essential.

Well I know this is only a very short blog on the wonder that is the toilet, but I did only just want to highlight the importance and let you all know we should be celebrating the toilet every now and again for the great work it does. If you need a new toilet then check out our range here. Or if you want more information on the toilet then I found this fantastic website with lots of toilet information (the website is to help get better toilets into schools but has some really useful information) check it out here. As always any comments are appreciated and thanks for reading.

So let us now raise our glasses in celebration of the toilet.

PS I’ll be back with another Toilet celebration blog on World Toilet Day 19 November.