The Best Bathroom Scenes of All Time


When I was thinking of what to discuss this afternoon I decided I would test people’s great knowledge of films. In particular I wanted to test people’s knowledge of films with you guessed it BATHROOMS.

At first I was thinking to myself surely there is not that many films that feature a bathroom or a toilet in it. Then I looked down at my list of films and was staggered by how many film that feature a great bathroom scene in their respective films. I was also staggered to see that there was such a diverse range of films and subject matter that featured a bathroom scene. Ranging from laugh out loud comedy moments to outrageous violence scenes and everything in between it seems the bathroom is a backdrop that is utilised in the film industry to great effect.

So with all these memorable film scenes taking place in a bathroom I though I’d share my top 5. I will unfortunately assume you have seen the films listed if not then I highly suggest you watch them not just for the bathroom scenes mentioned but also because they are great films.

Austin Powers – “Who does number 2 work for”

When I first saw this film as a teenager I fell over myself laughing at this scene and I still chuckle now. Yes call me crude but even now as a grown man I enjoy toilet humour and this bathroom scene is one of the best. Some classic lines of support from the American in the next cubical is sheer brilliant.

Lethal Weapon 2 -“Do we go on 3 or 1 2 3 and then go”

For me the Lethal Weapon films are brilliant. The blend of action and comedy combined with the fantastic chemistry between Riggs and Murtaugh aka Mel Gibson and Danny Glover is superb. This scene in particular when Murtaugh is on the toilet with a bomb attached to it is a scene that highlights the friendship between the two of them.

Jurassic Park -“When you gotta go you gotta go”

This scene is Steven Spielberg at his very best with this outstandingly funny yet pretty grizzily death scene. I hope you can remember the scene which I am referring to where the somewhat annoying lawyer runs to the toilet shed to escape from the dinosaurs. Only to be confronted with the mamma of all dinosaurs T-Rex who enjoys the lawyer as a taste snack.

Psycho -“Ahhh Ahhh Ahhh”

This is a scene from one the best suspense, horror and thriller directors of all time Alfred Hitchcock, the scene is from arguably his most famous film Psycho. Hopefully you have all seen this film if not then don’t carry on reading this blog, stop whatever your doing and go watch it now. The scene is fantastically directed and edited seeing as all the violence is imagined by you the viewer. At no time do you see the knife piece or cut Marion Crane who unfortunately stopped at the wrong motel. It is an ultimately nasty violent scene yet no big blood splats or close up brutality horror at its best by being imagined by the viewer. Modern horror movies should take note that you don’t need to show blood and guts for viewers to experience feelings of dred.

Last but not least is

There’s Something About Marry –“I got IT stuck…..”

If there was ever a bathroom scene that has every male who watches it grimace and slowly fold their legs carefully it’s this film. The scene as you should all know involves Ben Stiller as Ted Stoehmann who has a quite remarkable trouser zip malfunction. This malfunction is enough to bring a tear to my eye. Luckily it all worked out in the end.

Hope you have enjoyed my little list of bathroom scenes. As I stated there is plenty more scenes out there and I have included the rest of my list below. As always please comment as I love to hear from you all and please let me know if I’ve missed out any other great bathroom scenes.

More Bathroom Scene Films

The Shinning

American Psycho

The Big Lebowski

The Royal Tenenbaums

The Fly

Scar Face

Trainspotting

James Bond Casino Royal

Naked Gun

Pulp Fiction

The Wonder of Foreign Bathrooms


Apologies to all my adoring fans but I have been away for the last week and so have not been able to bring you amazing slices of intriguing yet quite useless bathroom ramblings. But never fear for I have now returned and I have some outstanding rambling’s for you to enjoy.

To start off let me picture the scene (although no doubt you have all been there). You’re away on holiday and you’re all excited and looking forward to a week of relaxing and exploring all the wonders a new country has to offer. You’ve got off the airplane and have just arrived at the hotel. You’ve managed to navigate through the first hurdle of checking in with a person who doesn’t speak a word of your native tongue and your pigeon version of their language has just about succeeded. As soon as you turn around to locate your room you suddenly need the toilet it’s a natural reaction all the stress is gone you’ve arrived and everything is sorted so your bowels decide now is the time to let you know that you need to go. I’m sure everyone has been in this situation at least once if not many times.

So your body is telling you that you need to go then the dread kicks in, you’re in a foreign country what if the toilet is just a hole in the ground. Thankfully for me there was a toilet and the bathroom was wonderful and everything was ding dang doodly fine. Hopefully all of your holiday bathrooms have been fine as well and you haven’t encountered any major problems.

Foreign Toilet

It got me thinking about bathrooms abroad and different cultural changes that can invariably take place. We may automatically think that all bathrooms look, smell and have the same functions as our own native bathrooms. This is where we invariably become unstuck in assuming that

1 Our bathrooms are the correct and only way in how a bathroom should be arranged.

2 That all countries have the same cultural bathroom agreements as us.

3 That all countries have the infrastructure and plumbing as us.

All these combined make us naïve when it comes to experiencing a foreign toilet.

So here are a few tips on enjoying a foreign bathroom and not being surprised or alarmed when you encounter something you weren’t expecting.

Foreign Toilet

Tip Number 1

Research, research, research.

It may seem quite blatantly obvious but research is the best way to find out if you’ll be expecting a hole in the ground and a bucket of water for a shower or expecting a fully functioning power shower and spa bath. Research will also tell you if you can flush toilet paper down the loo or if the country’s plumbing system doesn’t allow this. Research is key my friends.

Tip Number 2

Know the lingo

This again may seem obvious but it is 100% worth mentioning and should be adhered to the last thing you want is pee running down your leg while your shouting toilet at the top of your voice at a bar man or store keeper who shrug and think you want to buy a loaf of bread or a glass of milk. Know the word for toilet and have it on the tip of your tongue it could save you a world of embarrassment.

Tip Number 3

Don’t be scared

If you find out through your research that you are visiting a country that operates on a hole in the ground routine then don’t let it put you off. Remember all the natives use this system and have been for years. You can easily over come your fears and do your business the native way for a week or two.

Tip Number 4

Relax and just enjoy it remember your on holiday.

Well hope you enjoyed my quick tips on travelling round different countries and how to deal with what you maybe faced with bathroom wise. Good luck to you all fellow travellers.

 

The Great Toilet Roll Debate


Which way to roll the toilet paper from the front or from the back?

Some of you may think that this alternative bathroom blog is full of general bobbins and irrelevant issues that have no relevance to either society or an individual. Well today I am going to introduce a topic that everyone has an opinion on and one that has in the past led to broken marriages, life long friendships ended and even murder.

The great debate is the position of how a toilet roll should be situated with regard to the toilet paper’s accessibility. To help evaluate this debate further I have devised a phrase, the ‘Toilet Paper Delivery System’ or TPDS.  Below is a diagram that illustrates the debate.

As you can see from the diagram there are two positions.

Position A = Under

Position B = Over

If you have laughed or smiled or sniggered at any time since reading this blog then you have drastically underestimated this debate. There have been scientific studies over this debate from a sociological aspect as well as a psychological and philosophical approach. Yet no conclusive result has been attained.

Research has shown that 60-70% of people prefer the over method of TPDS compared to the 30-40% of people who prefer the under TPDS. To provide a broad over view and will discuss what people perceive to be the pro’s and con’s of both over TPDS and under TPDS.

Over TPDS

Pros

Over TPDS is easier to find and see the loose end piece of toilet paper.

Over TPDS reduces the unfortunate accident of knocking your knuckles against the wall when achieving the desired amount of toilet paper.

Over TPDS is generally used by manufacturers to display their loo roll products as patterned wall paper can be more aesthetically displayed.

Under TPDS

Pros

Under TPDS can be said to provide a tidier appearance due to the loose end being hidden underneath and out of view.

Under TPDS has less chance of unravelling if an earthquake were to occur.

Under TPDS also has less chance of being unravelled by small children or pets such as cats or dogs (we’ve all seen the Andrex commercials with the cute puppy).

Each toilet roll position has its own benefits and faults but ultimately it comes down to personal preference and something that only you can decide. Like all great debates such as Vampires vs Werewolves, Pirates vs Ninjas or Cake vs Biscuits this debate will rage on through out all eternity.

As with most of my blog’s I could write more, and I realise I am only scratching the surface of this debate. I will no doubt return to this topic at a later date to delve deeper into this conundrum.

Well I hope you enjoyed this blog and that you haven’t lost any friendships over it. On Friday the fun poll will be this debate so think long and hard and make sure you return on Friday to make your vote.

Friday’s Fun Zombie Apocolypse Poll


Through out this week I have hopefully given you a good grounding in how to survive a zombie apocalypse when stuck in a bathroom in the two part blog (previous blogs Part 1 and Part 2) . I have taken you through weapons, escape route planning, supplies and re-fuelling. For this Friday’s fun poll I thought it would be a good idea to see which bathroom items people are willing to sacrifice.

The scenario is that you have only time to grab one of the items listed in the poll below. Make a wise decision because every item is essential in some perspective including the rubber duck.

Have fun people and by all means please leave a comment as to why you would select a certain item.

How To Survive A Zombie Apocolypse In A Bathroom Part 2


Hopefully you have read Part 1 in this series and are fully up to date with your bathroom survival so far. If you haven’t read Part 1 then go and read it otherwise when the apocalypse happens and you’re stuck in a bathroom you will be zombie chow.

A brief review of how the survival is going. So far you have managed to kill two zombies your neighbour and your flatmates girlfriend. You’ve also managed to keep yourself hidden by employing the turtle technique or have block up the door so no other zombies can get in. Your doing really well and this is where I’m gonna dive straight in with the next stage in our zombie apocalypse survival.

3. Re-fuel

Although this seems like a trivial step seeing as a zombie apocalypse is in full swing but trust me this step is crucial for survival. Let me explain, you are in a panic stricken state your mind is going round in circles trying to comprehend that a zombie apocalypse is happening and your stomach is aching. To calm yourself down and get your self focused you need to preoccupy your brain and stomach with something else. Remember the scenario and remember that you have with you a cheese and ham sandwich and a bag of Haribo. This is the distraction that you need. So munch hard at a steady pace but remember to not eat all the Haribo you will need some left for instant energy later on. You can wash it all down with a drink of water from the bathroom tap. The food will provide energy when making a break for freedom plus it maybe your last meal, you don’t want to be zombie fodder on an empty stomach.

Con – If you’re a vegetarian you may not want to eat the ham in the sandwich.

Haribo

4. RVLB Remembering Visualising Listening Business  

Right, so you’ve calmed down had potentially your last meal and are psyched to take on all zombies in your way. Your adrenaline is through the roof and you are ready to smash zombies up Incredible Hulk style. The only down fall is that your not the Incredible Hulk and therein lies the problem. But you have the unique advantage over zombies that you don’t have a sole craving for brains and can think logically and strategically.

I’ve split this stage of survival up into a handy acronym RVLB – Remembering, Visualising, Listening and Business. Below is how each component is crucial for survival and shows you how you should use your brain rather then lose your brain.

Remembering

The first word in the acronym is Remembering. Remember what I hear you ask? Well fortunately it’s not did you take the bin out for collection or did you remember to pay your credit card bill. These should be the last things entering your head. You have to remember your main aim is survival, and so you need to remember your surrounding area. Your aim is to try to remember playing as a kid in the street and all the little alleyways and roads around you, thinking of where you want to go to for your route to freedom.

Visualising

You could be mistaken for thinking that this is just another facet of remembering and thinking that I’m being over cautious about route planning, but trust me this is not a stage you want to miss out. Once you have remembered and thought of a route you need to literally visualise the route in your head making adjustments of which road and street to move down if you encounter a horde of zombies. Running around like a headless chicken will get you into sticky situations. So visualising as much of your route and compensating for route changes provides you with a higher survival rate. Remember use your brain, don’t lose it.

 Listening

I don’t say this lightly but your ears are literally your best tool for survival end of. If it were a case of I could have a super hearing device or a machine gun during a zombie apocalypse give me the hearing device every single time. Listening for zombie movement is essential for survival your eyes can deceive you into thinking that it’s safe. Just remember the green cross code Stop, Look and LISTEN.

Listening

Business

Lastly on the acronym we have Business. Now there’s no polite way to say this but when you gotta go, you gotta go, it’s as simple as that. Think about it for a moment, you’ve just experiencing fending off two zombies for the first time in your life I’m sure you will need to check yourself. Also you may not feel like you need to go, but you need to give it a try. The last thing you want is that your running as fast as you can and you feel the sudden urge for the toilet it’s not a good situation to be in. Just remember when doing your business you need to be quick and as much as possible quite. The last thing you want is a zombie attack while on the bog trust me you don’t want to die with your pants down. Added bonus is that you can be doing the Remembering, Visualising and Listening all while doing your Business.

Con – Fresh underwear is in your cupboard next door, commando may have to be an option.

Bonus – Going commando gives you a lovely free feeling if you’re into that kind of thing.

5. Supplies

The last section is to fully prepare you for your breakaway to freedom and survival beyond the next few hours. Although you are only in the bathroom, there is key supplies that you need to make sure you pick up.

Toilet Paper

Toilet paper is brilliant, it comes in handy in so many situations such as blowing your nose, cleaning, washing and obviously its main purpose, wiping your bum. So make sure to pack at least one toilet roll as you never know when you maybe in an isolated place needing to go to the loo with no toilet paper available. You can by all means skip this advice if you’re hardcore, and embark on the Bear Grylls / Ray Mears style and wipe your bum with a leaf. But everyone likes abit of luxury so why deprive yourself, take some toilet roll.

Toilet Paper

Toothpaste and Toothbrush

This one is almost self explanatory, no one likes bad breath plus do you have any idea how hard it will be to find a good dentist in a post apocalyptic zombie world. So take them both and make sure you brush everyday.

Razor or Perfume

The final piece of information I am going to give you before making a break for it is to pack either a razor or some perfume. Why? I hear you say. Let me explain, you’ve made a dash for freedom and have succeeded, you mange to bump into other survivors and have found a safe secure location. Everything is all going well. Now the task of re-populating mankind is at hand, the only problem is that no one is attracted to the opposite sex because the men all look like beardy weridy’s and the women smell like gone off milk. This means that no honka donk badonka donk will be going on and the re-population of the human race is in peril. A quick shave or splash of perfume combined with a Barry White or Al Green album can help get things back on track. So for the sake of the human race I implore you pick up a razor or perfume and let those that have died in the zombie apocalypse not of died in vain.

Survival or Zombie Dinner

So we have got to the knife edge of survival or zombie dinner. If you have followed all my instructions then you are now ready to make a break for it. Fully loaded with supplies and a specific route to freedom mapped out in your head. I wish you all the best in your survival. Now take one last listen, pick up your weapon of choice, remove the bathtub from the door or lift it up off of yourself and run like you have never run before. Good Luck

As always if you have any comments or other survival tips please do leave a comment I’d love to hear from you.

How To Survive A Zombie Apocolypse In A Bathroom Part 1


Last week I had the pleasure of having an evening to myself and so decided to watch 28 Days Later. Don’t get mixed up with 28 Days with the lovely happy go lucky Miss Congeniality star Sandra Bullock. I’m talking about the Danny Boyle zombie apocalypse extravaganza. Now if you haven’t seen this film then I can’t suggest highly enough that you rent, download, borrow or buy a copy and have a watch. Granted it is a zombie film and so there is lots of blood and gore which may not be to everyone’s liking but it’s also a story of survival and relationships.

After watching the film I thought I’d do a quick bit of research into how to survive a zombie apocalypse (if it ever were to happen) and I found loads and loads of brilliant information. But then when I looked at how to survive a zombie apocalypse in a bathroom I realised there wasn’t very much information at all. So here is my information on surviving a zombie apocalypse in a bathroom. Enjoy.

First let me set the scene for your survival so you’ve got abit of background knowledge to your survival battle. The scenario is that your next door neighbour has burst through your back door and is looking for anything that moves to start gorging on. That’s right your next door neighbour is a zombie, but its ok you are not too upset because you didn’t really like him because he always played music really late and smelt of cabbage. You have time to grab a bag of Haribo and a cheese and ham sandwich which your flatmate left on the table as you swiftly run up the stairs. As you reach the top of the stairs your flatmate’s girlfriend is coming out of his room and is also a zombie. You assume that your flatmate is dead which is sad so you are now burning with a concoction of vengeance, fear and adrenaline. You see that the only door open and available to move into for safety leads to the bathroom. So with out a thought you jump into the bathroom and lock the door.

So the scenario is set in motion you have two zombies outside and your locked in the bathroom with no where to go. The lock on the bathroom door won’t last long so how do you survive? Well I’ve split survival into a few headings to make it easier to remember.

Zombie

1. Find a weapon

First of all you need to find yourself a weapon. I can not stress this enough a weapon is absolutely key to survival. In this scenario the zombies are trying to break in, they know you are in there and so you need to be able to attack them. Defence is not an option with zombies as they will keep coming again and again until you kill them. Remember its either you or them.

Weapons

Toilet Cistern Lid / Top

This heavy blunt toilet panel is ideal for bonking the zombies on the head and destroying the brain. This should be your first weapon of choice in a bathroom and should remain within arms reach of where ever you move.

Con – The cistern lid / top is heavy and will use a lot of effort up.

Shower Curtain

Although a shower curtain is not exactly a formidable weapon it can be extremely handy. Use the shower curtain to cover a zombies head and face, this confuses the zombie and provides a barrier between the zombie’s mouth and you. You can use the shower curtain to drag the zombie to the ground where stamping and kicking will be most efficient.

Con – Effective for one zombie at a time.

Bathroom Mirror

Hopefully you have a bathroom mirror that is easily removed from the wall. Once removed a mirror can be smashed over a zombies head or broken in to shards to be jabbed in the brain both are effective methods of mirror use.

Con – 7 years bad luck.

Bathroom Towel

A bathroom towel is a simple but useful weapon and one that should not be over looked. Tear the towel into two equal pieces and wrap around hands. You now have a pair of quick home made boxing gloves. Now pretend your Muhammad Ali and swing like a mad man aiming for the head of the zombie. The towel acts as a barrier in case you accidentally punch the zombie in the mouth and get the virus causing you to turn zombiefied.

Con – Good boxing technique needed for efficient zombie death.=

Hair Spray / Deodorant

This is a last gasp weapon and can only be used in desperate situations where no other option is available. Use the hair spray or deodorant as a mini flame throw hold the can up to the zombies face and use a match or lighter just in front of the spray nozzle and hold down the spray button. This is not really a weapon as zombies don’t feel pain but will distract the zombie enough for you to escape and will eventually kill the zombie if it remains on fire.

Con – Matches or lighter needed to work plus strong possibility of burning yourself and causing major injury also potential for making the situation worse.

2. Stop more zombies getting in

So you’ve grabbed a weapon and zonked, whacked, bonked and bashed both your neighbour’s and your flatmate’s girlfriend head in. Success you have survived the first wave of zombie attacks. You have a quick glance down the stairs and you can see a shadow but the zombie hasn’t been alerted to your presence. You realise you can’t get out of the bathroom quickly and quietly so you make the decision to stay for a short while. In addition the bath tub has become lose in the first zombie attack.

Bath Tub Method

Use the bathtub to block the damaged bathroom door making sure it is wedged in tight so no zombies can crawl through any gaps to bite your legs or arms.

Con – potentially quite a noisy manoeuvre so could draw a zombie’s attention.

Turtle Method

This method is somewhat unique and can work extremely well although can also be a tomb for your rotting corpse. The turtle technique is simple, turn the bath upside down and position yourself underneath it. Whilst you are underneath the bath you are well hidden from zombies giving you time to sort out your next move.

Con – If you a prone to sneezing or farting this method is not good for you as any sound will attract zombies plus the smell could be unbearable depending on what you’ve eaten.

Slide and Slip Method

Pretty much all bathrooms will have either bleach or some kind of cleaning product in it, usually located around the back of the toilet or in a cupboard. Simply pour the cleaning product just outside the door and then keep yourself hidden. Any approaching zombies will slip on the liquid and fall over.

Con – Only really works on hard surfaces.

Ok so you’ve killed your first two zombies and you’re well hidden or barricaded in your bathroom. So far so good you’re doing well.

I’ve got another 3 more essential survival techniques and methods to tell you about so come back and visit on Wednesday to complete your training to be fully equipped to take on any potential zombie apocalypse that may or may not happen.

As always please leave any comments in case i have missed any additional weapons or anything.

Gender and the Bathroom Debate Part 1 Male’s


Why do men take so long in the Bathroom?

 

Over the weekend I asked a friend for ideas on what to write about on this bathroom blog and he did’nt disappoint and came up with a gem of an idea. The premise of the idea is simple yet is an age old gender debate that has been around for decades.

 

The basic idea of this debate is what do men use the bathroom for and what do women use the bathroom for. It’s ok people don’t worry I’m not going to go into any specific details it’s more a case that I’m going to try and investigate how each gender perceives their bathroom time.

 

Due to the massive nature of this debate I’m splitting this blog up into two parts one part for the men and one part for the women. Seeing as I’m a man I’m going to start with the men so let the age old debate begin.

 

I’d like to first point out that a lot of this debate in the main atleast is going to be very broad and so quite a few generalisations will be made. I know everyone is different and everyone has their own routines or rituals so please remember a lot of these points are going to be generalisations.

Man Rules

The simple answer to the question is that men take so long in the bathroom because they want to.

 

For men the bathroom is viewed as their kingdom to which they are the king. The domain of the bathroom is a place of freedom to escape the world for a while and have a bit of reflective time. This notion can be expanded due to the euphemism of the toilet as a throne.

 

“This particular euphemism, throne, is said to have come from none other than King Louis XIV, who often saw to royal business from his toilet, deeming it an alternative to his usual throne.”

http://www.bigsiteofamazingfacts.com/why-is-the-toilet-called-a-throne-and-where-did-the-term-come-from

 

The bathroom for men is not only their kingdom but a place of solitude where men can in essence simply be alone. A lot of men but not all, enjoy being alone with their thoughts and able to take time out in a busy day to just relax. This relaxing can take a number of different forms the most popular one is reading on the toilet. The phenomenon of reading on the toilet is not exactly a new fad that people have only just discovered and are enjoying. It’s been going on for ages. I do want to mention that it’s not just men that enjoy reading on the toilet I’m sure a lot of women enjoy doing it as well. I’m not going to delve too far into reading on the toilet as I’ve planned for a whole separate blog on this topic.

 

Going back to the question of why do men spend so long in the bathroom? As I’ve stated men enjoy time by themselves and we know that if we go into the bathroom then no ones gonna follow. Providing the perfect arena to relax and also do our business at the same time. Just like killing two birds with one stone to coin a phrase.

This is a Potty Putter bargain at £9.99. The image is a link to the shop that sells them.

 

The other reason why men take so long in the bathroom could be that they have more of a bowel issue then women and need longer to fully de-clentch and release their bowels. Although I can’t back this up with any scientific proof it’s just an idea.

 

I know this blog is only just the tip of the iceberg and I’m sure at some point I will come back to this wonderful debate and engage it fully with adequate research. But I feel as a start to this issue this is as far as I’m going to go. I will leave you with a few anonymous quotes I found on Yahoo by two men who share their view as to why they take a while in the bathroom.

 

“I can’t speak for all men of course, but for me, it’s my one escape from the hell of married life. In the john, it’s my own private kingdom away from the demanding ball and chain. So of course, I tend to stay in there a little extra long, whether I’m reading or not.”

 

“We know you wont fallow us in there, and sometimes we just sit on the can for about an hour and read **** thats sitting near us and relax.”

 

I will delve briefly into the female gender and the bathroom on Wednesday. If you have any comments then I’d love to hear from you and thanks for reading.

Fridays Fun Poll – Are you excited about the Olympics?


I was deciding on what to get all you lovely people to vote about in the Friday Fun poll this week. The poll is usually linked to a blog earlier on in the week but unfortunately you can’t really do a blog on printers from hell or DIY issues.

So I’ve decided to just have a very simple poll this week about the upcoming Olympics seeing as its only 7 days away. The poll is to see how excited or not excited you are about these games. Personally I’m really excited I think they are going to be great. I wish I could take a whole 2 months off work and go watch as much of it as possible. I am lucky enough to have tickets to watch one of the football games but am desperate to make it down and watch some of the Paralympics.

Are you as excited about the Olympics as I am? Or am I the only one who’s keen for it all to kick off and get under way. Simple poll Yes or No.

As always please leave a comment I’d love to hear your thoughts on the Olympics.

The Power of Calm to Bring you Back From the Dark Side


It’s Monday and that means another whole week of work something that not a lot of people crave, but it’s the way the cookie crumbles. Plus everyone has to work so no use in moaning about it so let’s just enjoy our new week. So with enjoying this new week we have a wonderful new Alternative Bathroom Blog. Yay, Whoooo, yay, wicked, pucker, brilliant whooo.

Anyway moving swiftly on, I was thinking about what great tit bits and useless information I could convey to you all today. I mean last week we had the excitement of trying to figure out which superhero is best to re-decorate your bathroom and before that we had the celebration of the humble toilet. But I was stumped on what to briefly discuss with you all. Then it came to me or more a close friend gave it to me, that spark of an idea for this blog.

It was over a brief texting conversation about him being angry and needing to calm down that he used the expression ‘the power of calm’. Wow what a great expression I mean it just says so much. So it got me thinking what makes me annoyed that I would need to call on the power of calm. Then like a fly hitting the window screen of a car going 80mph I knew what makes me infuriated and gets me annoyed, three small letters DIY.

DIY Fail

DIY is essentially what Kings Bathrooms is all about to a certain degree anyway. We sell all varieties of bathroom products ranging from luxury whirlpool baths to the lowly but essential waste pipes. So although DIY frustrates and annoys me I’m actually working for a DIY company in essence. It’s no wonder I haven’t thrown my computer out of the window and run around the showroom with my pants on my head, shouting obscene profanities at the static products in sheer anger. But its ok, my pants are still on keeping my bits and pieces comfy and my computer is still situated in front of me as I type.

I do exaggerate for effect because I actually don’t mind DIY it’s more the fact that I’m not particularly good at it which is the main problem. My brother is a carpenter/multi-trade handyman and my dad is also very good at DIY. I think unfortunately the DIY gene skipped me although my dad is still trying to engage me in this trade by buying me drill bits for Christmas. The only problem is I don’t even own a drill rendering the wonderful drill bits useless. Anyway that’s enough family history and deviating back to the ‘the power of calm’.

The power of calm is essential when undertaking any DIY task as I found out when re-sealing my bath tub over the weekend. The landlord had decided to put some kind of plastic skirting round the bath upon discovering a small leak coming from the bath. Now I don’t know if you’ve ever had one of these plastic skirting things round your bath but there’s simply no other way to put it, they are useless. They are as good as washing with a trout and towelling down with a hedgehog and using a skunk as aftershave. Maybe a bit harsh, I guess for an immediate short term fix they are ok apart from that just plain rubbish.

So I decided to under take this DIY challenge of re-sealing the bath tub and as I guide you through my journey be aware of the stages that occurred.

Stage 1 Fear

So as the skirting was half falling off I decided now is the time to take it off and simply run some new fresh sealant round the bath and solve all the problems. But as I removed the skirting it was with shock and horror that all the glue was still attached to it and still really sticky. Stage one of frustration had occurred the fear factor. Fear that I had just set myself up for a bigger job then expected.

Stage 2 Anger

It’s OK I said to myself and continued in scrapping off all the glue which was attached all around the bath and on the tiles and basically everywhere. But no matter how much I scrapped and pulled it off, it was still sticky and horrible and refused to come off. It was like an invisible glue monster that was constantly walking all around the bath tub leaving horrible gloopy glue everywhere. Stage two had kicked in the anger stage. I was starting to get really angry at this ridiculous amount of sticky mess ever where.

Stage 3 Hate

By now the stages in my mood are changing rapidly and what seemed like a great idea and a challenge which I felt I could achieve has driven me to hate. Hate the project hate the bath tub and especially hate the glue which was still all over the place.

Stage 4 Suffering

This lead me to the fourth and final stage, suffering. I was now alone in my bathroom listening to Mr Scruff (quality DJ check his stuff out its Funky goodness) on my laptop feeling low.

If you have an astute mind or are of the Jediism religion you would have figured out that I had gone to the dark side. That’s right I was turning into the Darth Vader of bathroom DIY. It’s all as master Yoda said

Yoda

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”

–YODA, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

In conclusion the Power of Calm is not just a phrase that you can simply dismiss lightly. It should be at the forefront of your mind when undertaking any DIY task or even when undertaking any task in life. So I want to thank my friend publicly for introducing me to The Power of Calm, for without it I would be half man half machine with a serious breathing problem and dressed in black.

As always thanks for reading and please leave any comments as I’d love to hear from you if you have ever turned to the dark side when under taking a DIY task.

Positive Thinking


 

Here in the UK we have simply not had a summer, the weather has been completely and utterly awful even more so then usual. The rain has come and then gone and come back again and this cycle has been repeated day after day after day. We’ve had floods here there and everywhere and to be honest my hope for my tomato plants has all but faded.

 

So I’m going to try and lift everyone’s spirits and let you all know that the Olympics is only 16 days away and I’m sure that the weather will of brightened up in those 16 days I’m sure of it.

 

I know this is only a very brief blog today but I felt everyone here in the UK needed an extra boost of positivity today and I feel that reminding everyone of the pending Olympics would help. Also it should be mentioned otherwise I won’t be doing my job that here at Kings Bathrooms we will be having Olympic reduced prices. Not entirely sure what Olympic reduced prices are but I’ll be sure to let you know the meaning once I figure it out myself. Needless to say that the prices on a number of items will drastically reduce, giving you an absolute bargain.

 

Now if that doesn’t cheer you up, nothing will. Have a great day everyone and remember it can’t rain all the time.