Friday’s Fun Zombie Apocolypse Poll


Through out this week I have hopefully given you a good grounding in how to survive a zombie apocalypse when stuck in a bathroom in the two part blog (previous blogs Part 1 and Part 2) . I have taken you through weapons, escape route planning, supplies and re-fuelling. For this Friday’s fun poll I thought it would be a good idea to see which bathroom items people are willing to sacrifice.

The scenario is that you have only time to grab one of the items listed in the poll below. Make a wise decision because every item is essential in some perspective including the rubber duck.

Have fun people and by all means please leave a comment as to why you would select a certain item.

How To Survive A Zombie Apocolypse In A Bathroom Part 2


Hopefully you have read Part 1 in this series and are fully up to date with your bathroom survival so far. If you haven’t read Part 1 then go and read it otherwise when the apocalypse happens and you’re stuck in a bathroom you will be zombie chow.

A brief review of how the survival is going. So far you have managed to kill two zombies your neighbour and your flatmates girlfriend. You’ve also managed to keep yourself hidden by employing the turtle technique or have block up the door so no other zombies can get in. Your doing really well and this is where I’m gonna dive straight in with the next stage in our zombie apocalypse survival.

3. Re-fuel

Although this seems like a trivial step seeing as a zombie apocalypse is in full swing but trust me this step is crucial for survival. Let me explain, you are in a panic stricken state your mind is going round in circles trying to comprehend that a zombie apocalypse is happening and your stomach is aching. To calm yourself down and get your self focused you need to preoccupy your brain and stomach with something else. Remember the scenario and remember that you have with you a cheese and ham sandwich and a bag of Haribo. This is the distraction that you need. So munch hard at a steady pace but remember to not eat all the Haribo you will need some left for instant energy later on. You can wash it all down with a drink of water from the bathroom tap. The food will provide energy when making a break for freedom plus it maybe your last meal, you don’t want to be zombie fodder on an empty stomach.

Con – If you’re a vegetarian you may not want to eat the ham in the sandwich.

Haribo

4. RVLB Remembering Visualising Listening Business  

Right, so you’ve calmed down had potentially your last meal and are psyched to take on all zombies in your way. Your adrenaline is through the roof and you are ready to smash zombies up Incredible Hulk style. The only down fall is that your not the Incredible Hulk and therein lies the problem. But you have the unique advantage over zombies that you don’t have a sole craving for brains and can think logically and strategically.

I’ve split this stage of survival up into a handy acronym RVLB – Remembering, Visualising, Listening and Business. Below is how each component is crucial for survival and shows you how you should use your brain rather then lose your brain.

Remembering

The first word in the acronym is Remembering. Remember what I hear you ask? Well fortunately it’s not did you take the bin out for collection or did you remember to pay your credit card bill. These should be the last things entering your head. You have to remember your main aim is survival, and so you need to remember your surrounding area. Your aim is to try to remember playing as a kid in the street and all the little alleyways and roads around you, thinking of where you want to go to for your route to freedom.

Visualising

You could be mistaken for thinking that this is just another facet of remembering and thinking that I’m being over cautious about route planning, but trust me this is not a stage you want to miss out. Once you have remembered and thought of a route you need to literally visualise the route in your head making adjustments of which road and street to move down if you encounter a horde of zombies. Running around like a headless chicken will get you into sticky situations. So visualising as much of your route and compensating for route changes provides you with a higher survival rate. Remember use your brain, don’t lose it.

 Listening

I don’t say this lightly but your ears are literally your best tool for survival end of. If it were a case of I could have a super hearing device or a machine gun during a zombie apocalypse give me the hearing device every single time. Listening for zombie movement is essential for survival your eyes can deceive you into thinking that it’s safe. Just remember the green cross code Stop, Look and LISTEN.

Listening

Business

Lastly on the acronym we have Business. Now there’s no polite way to say this but when you gotta go, you gotta go, it’s as simple as that. Think about it for a moment, you’ve just experiencing fending off two zombies for the first time in your life I’m sure you will need to check yourself. Also you may not feel like you need to go, but you need to give it a try. The last thing you want is that your running as fast as you can and you feel the sudden urge for the toilet it’s not a good situation to be in. Just remember when doing your business you need to be quick and as much as possible quite. The last thing you want is a zombie attack while on the bog trust me you don’t want to die with your pants down. Added bonus is that you can be doing the Remembering, Visualising and Listening all while doing your Business.

Con – Fresh underwear is in your cupboard next door, commando may have to be an option.

Bonus – Going commando gives you a lovely free feeling if you’re into that kind of thing.

5. Supplies

The last section is to fully prepare you for your breakaway to freedom and survival beyond the next few hours. Although you are only in the bathroom, there is key supplies that you need to make sure you pick up.

Toilet Paper

Toilet paper is brilliant, it comes in handy in so many situations such as blowing your nose, cleaning, washing and obviously its main purpose, wiping your bum. So make sure to pack at least one toilet roll as you never know when you maybe in an isolated place needing to go to the loo with no toilet paper available. You can by all means skip this advice if you’re hardcore, and embark on the Bear Grylls / Ray Mears style and wipe your bum with a leaf. But everyone likes abit of luxury so why deprive yourself, take some toilet roll.

Toilet Paper

Toothpaste and Toothbrush

This one is almost self explanatory, no one likes bad breath plus do you have any idea how hard it will be to find a good dentist in a post apocalyptic zombie world. So take them both and make sure you brush everyday.

Razor or Perfume

The final piece of information I am going to give you before making a break for it is to pack either a razor or some perfume. Why? I hear you say. Let me explain, you’ve made a dash for freedom and have succeeded, you mange to bump into other survivors and have found a safe secure location. Everything is all going well. Now the task of re-populating mankind is at hand, the only problem is that no one is attracted to the opposite sex because the men all look like beardy weridy’s and the women smell like gone off milk. This means that no honka donk badonka donk will be going on and the re-population of the human race is in peril. A quick shave or splash of perfume combined with a Barry White or Al Green album can help get things back on track. So for the sake of the human race I implore you pick up a razor or perfume and let those that have died in the zombie apocalypse not of died in vain.

Survival or Zombie Dinner

So we have got to the knife edge of survival or zombie dinner. If you have followed all my instructions then you are now ready to make a break for it. Fully loaded with supplies and a specific route to freedom mapped out in your head. I wish you all the best in your survival. Now take one last listen, pick up your weapon of choice, remove the bathtub from the door or lift it up off of yourself and run like you have never run before. Good Luck

As always if you have any comments or other survival tips please do leave a comment I’d love to hear from you.

How To Survive A Zombie Apocolypse In A Bathroom Part 1


Last week I had the pleasure of having an evening to myself and so decided to watch 28 Days Later. Don’t get mixed up with 28 Days with the lovely happy go lucky Miss Congeniality star Sandra Bullock. I’m talking about the Danny Boyle zombie apocalypse extravaganza. Now if you haven’t seen this film then I can’t suggest highly enough that you rent, download, borrow or buy a copy and have a watch. Granted it is a zombie film and so there is lots of blood and gore which may not be to everyone’s liking but it’s also a story of survival and relationships.

After watching the film I thought I’d do a quick bit of research into how to survive a zombie apocalypse (if it ever were to happen) and I found loads and loads of brilliant information. But then when I looked at how to survive a zombie apocalypse in a bathroom I realised there wasn’t very much information at all. So here is my information on surviving a zombie apocalypse in a bathroom. Enjoy.

First let me set the scene for your survival so you’ve got abit of background knowledge to your survival battle. The scenario is that your next door neighbour has burst through your back door and is looking for anything that moves to start gorging on. That’s right your next door neighbour is a zombie, but its ok you are not too upset because you didn’t really like him because he always played music really late and smelt of cabbage. You have time to grab a bag of Haribo and a cheese and ham sandwich which your flatmate left on the table as you swiftly run up the stairs. As you reach the top of the stairs your flatmate’s girlfriend is coming out of his room and is also a zombie. You assume that your flatmate is dead which is sad so you are now burning with a concoction of vengeance, fear and adrenaline. You see that the only door open and available to move into for safety leads to the bathroom. So with out a thought you jump into the bathroom and lock the door.

So the scenario is set in motion you have two zombies outside and your locked in the bathroom with no where to go. The lock on the bathroom door won’t last long so how do you survive? Well I’ve split survival into a few headings to make it easier to remember.

Zombie

1. Find a weapon

First of all you need to find yourself a weapon. I can not stress this enough a weapon is absolutely key to survival. In this scenario the zombies are trying to break in, they know you are in there and so you need to be able to attack them. Defence is not an option with zombies as they will keep coming again and again until you kill them. Remember its either you or them.

Weapons

Toilet Cistern Lid / Top

This heavy blunt toilet panel is ideal for bonking the zombies on the head and destroying the brain. This should be your first weapon of choice in a bathroom and should remain within arms reach of where ever you move.

Con – The cistern lid / top is heavy and will use a lot of effort up.

Shower Curtain

Although a shower curtain is not exactly a formidable weapon it can be extremely handy. Use the shower curtain to cover a zombies head and face, this confuses the zombie and provides a barrier between the zombie’s mouth and you. You can use the shower curtain to drag the zombie to the ground where stamping and kicking will be most efficient.

Con – Effective for one zombie at a time.

Bathroom Mirror

Hopefully you have a bathroom mirror that is easily removed from the wall. Once removed a mirror can be smashed over a zombies head or broken in to shards to be jabbed in the brain both are effective methods of mirror use.

Con – 7 years bad luck.

Bathroom Towel

A bathroom towel is a simple but useful weapon and one that should not be over looked. Tear the towel into two equal pieces and wrap around hands. You now have a pair of quick home made boxing gloves. Now pretend your Muhammad Ali and swing like a mad man aiming for the head of the zombie. The towel acts as a barrier in case you accidentally punch the zombie in the mouth and get the virus causing you to turn zombiefied.

Con – Good boxing technique needed for efficient zombie death.=

Hair Spray / Deodorant

This is a last gasp weapon and can only be used in desperate situations where no other option is available. Use the hair spray or deodorant as a mini flame throw hold the can up to the zombies face and use a match or lighter just in front of the spray nozzle and hold down the spray button. This is not really a weapon as zombies don’t feel pain but will distract the zombie enough for you to escape and will eventually kill the zombie if it remains on fire.

Con – Matches or lighter needed to work plus strong possibility of burning yourself and causing major injury also potential for making the situation worse.

2. Stop more zombies getting in

So you’ve grabbed a weapon and zonked, whacked, bonked and bashed both your neighbour’s and your flatmate’s girlfriend head in. Success you have survived the first wave of zombie attacks. You have a quick glance down the stairs and you can see a shadow but the zombie hasn’t been alerted to your presence. You realise you can’t get out of the bathroom quickly and quietly so you make the decision to stay for a short while. In addition the bath tub has become lose in the first zombie attack.

Bath Tub Method

Use the bathtub to block the damaged bathroom door making sure it is wedged in tight so no zombies can crawl through any gaps to bite your legs or arms.

Con – potentially quite a noisy manoeuvre so could draw a zombie’s attention.

Turtle Method

This method is somewhat unique and can work extremely well although can also be a tomb for your rotting corpse. The turtle technique is simple, turn the bath upside down and position yourself underneath it. Whilst you are underneath the bath you are well hidden from zombies giving you time to sort out your next move.

Con – If you a prone to sneezing or farting this method is not good for you as any sound will attract zombies plus the smell could be unbearable depending on what you’ve eaten.

Slide and Slip Method

Pretty much all bathrooms will have either bleach or some kind of cleaning product in it, usually located around the back of the toilet or in a cupboard. Simply pour the cleaning product just outside the door and then keep yourself hidden. Any approaching zombies will slip on the liquid and fall over.

Con – Only really works on hard surfaces.

Ok so you’ve killed your first two zombies and you’re well hidden or barricaded in your bathroom. So far so good you’re doing well.

I’ve got another 3 more essential survival techniques and methods to tell you about so come back and visit on Wednesday to complete your training to be fully equipped to take on any potential zombie apocalypse that may or may not happen.

As always please leave any comments in case i have missed any additional weapons or anything.